Thursday, 26 June 2014

How to become an actor by Haydn Davies

Acting is a very hard thing to do and luckily not everyone can do it. Luckily I can do it really well so I'm here to tell you how it's done. If you follow my advice then you will be a grade A actor, trust me when I say I know from my own experiences that this is exactly how you become a actor. You can follow these steps and become a great actor but if you don't then that's fin e don't worry. Ok then here is how you become a good actor.

Step 1: Learn To Act

Learning to act is the hardest thing in the world bu tthe best thing that you can do to learn how to act is just watch loads of films really. If you want to be in an action film then you've just got to watch Jurassic Park or Con Air, they say loads of well good lines in those films and you can adapt in this role really easily. If you want to become a better actor though watch some horror films like HARRRY potter. Harry Potter is a really scary film, it's especially scary when Ginny Weasely says a line because her acting is fucking terrible and I wish she was dead. (SHOT by a load of homeless dudes in an alleyway). Acting in plays is different to acting in films because plays are a live thing so if you want to act really well in plays then I would suggest that you look at all the different facial expressions that people use and fucking read their expressions because life is basically live and acting in a play is actually acting like you are in real life but you are not.

Step 2: Lifes A Stage

The best way you can be a good actor is to act as though life is a stage init. So like, when something happens at a party you have to really really over react all the time like it's the biggest event in the world. I'll give you an example: if someone calls you a cunt then you have to act as though Hitler has just come back from the dead and had sex with your wife so that loads of people will look at you and give you all sorts of attention and things like that. Also vomiting in the toilet is a really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really big deal so if someone does that then they are not your friend anymore and they are not a fUCKING actor.

Also you should talk about sex all the time.

Step 3: If all else fails, you could always just become a porn star.

Hello, my name is Haydn Davies and you are reading this post in 5 years time, you are a failed actor and you have given your life to cocaine and depression. Are you worried? Don't worry, cause in life there are always second options. In reality style porn films they act all the time and it's always really good acting, plus it means you get to have sex all the time and if you've followed my advice in step 2 then you'll know that it'll help you to do that, you can even mention that it was filmed and you were getting payed for it as well and everyone will think you're really cool I promise.

Step 4: You may want to be an actor but you won't be a better actor than Jim Carrey

Jim Carrey is the best actor the world has ever seen and he's original in absolutely every single film he does, so bear that in mind when you are trying to act.

I can't be bothered to write any more so this is it goodbye.

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