Sunday 29 December 2013

Politics Presents How to life your life

A lot of people come up for me on the streets and ask me what the hell do you do for a living Haydn. I always say to them that to them that I am a life coach and I also always say to them that I am the worlds most number 1 pick up artists.

If you wandring what pick up artists is then you have come to the right place. Pick up artists is not where you just pick up a girl from teh streets like a crane or something but it is where you go up to a girl and you tell them yourt best chat up line and they go all shy then they want to have your number but if they don't want to have your number within your first line of chat then you force them to have your number by the power of mind-rape a.k.a manuplulations.

Today I will be talking about how 10 tips on how to absolutely live your life and this is how you do it motherfuckers.

Tip number 1. Don't ever be yourself infront of a woman.

If you be yourself infront of a woman then this is the worst possible thing that you can do. The girl will think your are week and will hate you and will most likely want to kill you in your sleep or put some drugs in your coffee then whatch you die. Always act like the opposite of your personality, e.g I am a relaly nice guy and stuff but if I saw a tasty looking gink (gink is anotehr word for woman by the way, never call a  woman a woman because they are not womens init). I would behave like a complete DICKHEAD TO HER AND SHE WILL LOVE IT CAUSE SHE WILL THINK OH MY GOD THIS GUY IS BEING A CUNT HE DOENS'T GIVE A FUCK.

Tip number 2. Never just have a normal conversation with a WOMAN.

 Think you can jsut sit down and be normal with a woman? THINK AGAIN. If you are talking to a woman and immediately if you talk and you are nice to her then you are in THE FRIENDS ZONE. This is a zone where you don't not want to be in because it basically means that you can't have sex with them caus they are your friend. THEE IS NOT POINT IN BEIGN A FRIIEND TO A WOMAN. They are only good to look at and to have sex with them. I should know because i have had sex with about 2000 different women, and each time i did it it was definately really intimate and full of passion and trust.

I have run out of ideas because I can't be bothere d to think about this anymore but I can't even think that I've covered everything. Hope you  have enjoyed the read and it was an excellent time writing this.

Tune in next week when something will happen.

Sunday 14 April 2013

700 Views Baby

Hello,
My blog has reached 700 views today and I don't know whether to laugh or whether to cry or whether to just do what I planned to do before I realized. So to celebrate this here is another post for you to enjoy.
See you around.

Tuesday 9 April 2013

How to avoid having an argument about Margaret Thatcher.

Hello guys I have been reading The Daily Mash and I thought it was really funny article that they said "How tot avoid talking about Margaret Thatcher" so I thought I would do my own version. My views are that I am happy that she is dead because everyone is smiling and my mum keeps on crying and stuff about it but they are tears of joy not sadness so I am happy that my mum is happy and if Maggie Twatcher's death makes everyone in Scotland happy and my mum happy then I am happy about her death also. Unfortunately (big long word) lots of people will not agree with my views and will call me a idiot so I've made up about 10 points on how I will avoicd getting into these arguments with people.

1. If somebody says "She saved this country" then I will get my phone, start at them directly in the eyes and do a Barack Obama face like this:

2. If somebody calls her "The Iron Lady" then I will divert the conversation to something that intrests me and I will go really crazy and mental about the topic until they get really engaged.

3. If somebody says "The Forklands war was her finest hour" then I will get a fork and throw it at them so it hits them or their friend in the face then they will be in alot of pain then they will hopefully forget about what they were talking about before the fork incident.

4. If somebody says "I will dance on her greave" then I will go to the bar at the pub and buy a pint and a packet of crisps.

5. If someone says "Think of her friends and family" then I will run my hand between my fingers and then get a drink.

So there you have it. Loads of people will be debating and trying to stick up for this women but if everything I heard about her is true then I think it is ok to be happy that she is dead. Sorry if this subject is a bit taboo but I don't give a shit.

Until next time,
Goodbue